Out of Hebrew class into Talmudic Studies

I have dropped out of my Hebrew class at Ulpan Gordon in Tel Aviv. I felt that I needed a break from five hours of Hebrew class every day plus homework. I began on May 1st, three weeks after the class began and I took off another week to travel to Turkey. Therefore, I felt like I was behind. Nearly three months is enough to take some time to regroup and strategize. What came at a timely manner was the Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies in Jerusalem. I have enrolled in a three week summer program to study Judaism, Talmud, famous Jewish thinkers and the like. It is full time from 8:45 AM until 5:30. Classes are Sunday through Thursday morning. There are various speakers that come in for Thursday afternoons.

I have several doubts about this type of intense immersion in Jewish studies at this time. Firstly, I feel that my purpose to leave the United States was to find a way to get close to the camps with the Sudanese refugees, to help them in some manner, and to be a witness to the tragedies. This way, I would become a credible speaker to raise awareness and to create action on their behalf. Also, I would have the experience to help in some way with aiding the survivors of the world’s next genocide. The industrial revolution did not help in reducing mass murder. One could argue that it made it more efficient. However, Rwanda showed us that we still don’t even need guns to hack hundreds of thousands of families to death. Anyway, this is the noble cause that pulls me.

With each call and check into traveling to Africa to volunteer for these survivors, knowledgeable people try to discourage me and tell me that, since I have no medical background or experience working with the camps, I would do greater goods by raising funds and public awareness. I want to do it all. However, I feel that my actions have not lived into this feeling. I have not worked hard enough to get on the ground in these sites. If I had, I would be there or would have gone and returned. I have had chances to volunteer in Africa but in no way related to the genocides and survivors in the camps. Self-sustaining economic development, education of girls, AIDS, and malaria are some of the most worthy causes around. However, I feel drawn only to the one cause.

So, I feel a sense of guilt and of wasted time. I feel I am again rewarding myself by enrolling in a full-time Jewish studies course instead of giving myself to the greater cause. Further, my spirituality has shifted from dogmatic organized religion. I love being Jewish partly because it is so opened to being challenged and debated. One does not have to believe in the literality of the Torah to be Jewish. Most Jews do not. I love the ritual, tradition, history, and feeling of being a part of a people. Yet, I have found peace and fulfillment in my belief that everything is subjective and whatever your truth is, is truth. That is, your truth is as true as mine, regardless of what it is. So, if you know Santa Klaus is coming down your chimney every night, then he is. Really. Reality is subjective. If there is one ultimate truth, we as humans are too tiny to conceive of it. I find the thought of humans being in G-d’s image an arrogant thought. Also, the jellyfish may feel as he is in G-d’s image. How do we know that animals don’t have a deeper spiritual level than we? I have not grasped the idea that only human’s have the freedom of choice.

I believe that everything that takes place in the universe is effect and not cause. That is, it is a reaction to something else. Some call it the Butterfly Effect. I don’t think we are above it. I read today in a book on Kabbalah that we should strive to be above reacting and that we should choose our actions. Reacting is giving our power away. True. Yet by reading this and learning this, have I not reacted to what I learned in the book, even if I have grown far beyond the elemental teaching of the book? If you taught me, my actions are in some way, reactions.

So, for me, the thought that reality is subjective, i.e.: kicking a 50 yard field goal at the buzzer in the Superbowl to win is great unless you’re sitting on the other side of the field, helps me act out of compassion that everyone’s truth is true for them. Jesus was the Messiah, Muhammad was the great Prophet, and Jews do control the world. These are all true to many people. They are not my truths, however. Think of the movie, The Matrix. What you believe you see can kill you. If it’s not your reality, it can’t. We can perform so called super-human acts, too. Remember the 4 minute mile that couldn’t be broken for centuries. Within a couple of years of the first breaking of it, it was broken many times. They finally believed it could be done. Is my truth better than yours? To me it is. You’re reality is just that, yours. And it’s as real as mine. Further, we can create reality through agreement. By putting the words out in the universe, they are real between us. We have created it. The reality exists, we just have to live into it. What do we really know for sure? Who wrote this? Did Randy? Is your truth that these are his thoughts now getting shaky? From these thoughts, I gain humility.

I went to the Western Wall tonight at the end of Shabbat. It is the meeting point of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism. It was a powerful spot. So, from here, I will enter the Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies in Jerusalem. They encourage debate and questioning. So, I’ll see where it leads me. We will study many Jewish philosophers and many non-Jewish philosophers. Let’s see. In Hebrew: Bo ni-ray.

Meanwhile, I am ready to get on with my life, a career, and a family. I’ll talk about that later.

L’hitraot from Jerusalem.

Randy