Checking in

I have continued my work on a daily basis with the refugees and have been given the title of Team Leader for two of the three largest shelters where over 200 refugees reside. This means that only I am managing two overcrowded shelters with over 200 men from Sudan, Ivory Coast, and Eritrea. However, allow me check in with my head and heart on my personal life.

I am eager to gain a routine in my life with a career and love life. I have been negotiating in slow motion with a company that is interested in my joining them. However, it has been a frustratingly slow process. I have determined that, since my last career was in commercial real estate, that I should try to stay in that field. I think the position that I am trying to create would be ideal, although they will only pay me for the profit that I generate for the company. There will be no base salary but I am not afraid of proving myself. However, if I must work long hours so that I am unable to have much of a life outside of work, then I might as well have stayed in the USA. There, we can earn more and prices and taxes are lower. Yet, I have chosen to follow my heart to live in the State if Israel. Many Israelis in Tel Aviv don’t understand why someone not passionately religious would leave a cushy life in the USA for anywhere else. I have explained that was not a practical decision. I am following my heart for a change and not my head. I have believed that, once I changed my environment, I would be unstuck in my love-life and career.

It’s funny how our inner troubles follow us to every place that we go. All of our issues, fears, doubts, and subtle neuroses show up no matter where we awaken. I certainly didn’t intentionally pack my I’m-not-sure-what-I-want-to-do-for-a-living shackles along with my she’s-not-my-type blockade. I thought Israel had security against contraband like that. I have been busying myself with refugee issues and piddling away my time instead of confronting these issues. It could be embedded childhood fears around whether people will discover that I am not too smart or that perhaps I have a form of ADD that saps my attention when situations get too complicated. For some reason, I don’t want to confront myself in finding a job as I am not sure about the direction to go. I have a job that I could take that is a sales job for real estate services where I sit at home and call the USA from 4:00 PM until midnight every night. Sitting alone on that schedule when I am trying to network and build a life might be a struggle. I know that I will only be successful to the level of my enthusiasm for the job and the industry. Perhaps when we have dependants, we choose to simply take the career that could yield the most shekels instead of one that yields beyond material satisfaction. I believe it is time for a “life coach” to help me identify my next career. I am eager to get my life moving forward with a family and a career, regardless of where I reside. Meanwhile, my negotiations with the company that I wish to join continue.

The emotions that I feel here are extreme. The loneliness of coming knowing no one in a new country with a new culture and language can overwhelm. Here, on Friday afternoons, all businesses shut down and the streets are emptied so that families can gather for Shabbat dinner. This is the case for all Israelis, observant and secular. This is the time when the loneliness is most acute. It is often, in these time, when I will suddenly get a phone call from an acquaintance or a new friend to invite me to grab a bite. Sometimes, I even get included with a family for the Shabbat dinner. Those are precious moments and the emotional pendulum gets rips in the other direction.

I am learning about the Israeli culture. It seems that no one wants to make plans. That is, whenever you want to schedule a social meeting a day or a few days ahead, the other person always asked to make it spontaneous and to decide a few hours prior. It is normal to ask someone out for a date only hours beforehand. No one looks at their calendar and plans for the weekend until the weekend. I have to get used to having the chutzpah to call people to get together in the moment.

On the other hand, the joy I feel in helping refugees and in having been born in the era when there is an Israel, a Jewish homeland, has been fulfilling as have been the challenges in learning the language and culture. With seething neighbors and diametrically apposed citizens on a tiny parcel of land, I am seriously concerned with Israel’s long-term survival. Most of the people here are liberal and understand that the Palestinians deserve peace as do the Israelis. They know that on both sides, most just want to give their children a better life than they had. But also within Israel, there are simmering hostilities that could come to a combust when and if there is ever true peace with the neighbors. I work with refugees. Will there be Israeli refugees in our lifetime?

Randy