My friend, Doron

The economic crisis has hit my industry of real estate and I am no longer a salaried employee. In these times, I so greatly appreciate those that have stood for me and inspired me to move forward.

I love Israelis and my friend, Doron. I am so often impressed by their sincerity and compassion. I am new here and have had several friends and their families try to adopt me. I have not had a Jewish or national holiday (and there are so many) pass without being invited to the home of someone’s family to a huge dinner.

Being in a new country and culture with no long-term friends or solid support group with a new language and no job can be understated as challenging. There are drastic swings of emotions from tear-drawing joy to depression where I want to curl up in a corner and go to sleep. Shabbat is a time when all Israelis gather with their families for dinner. That is when I feel the most alone. Yet, there have been many times, when the spontaneous Israeli will call me at 7:00 on Friday to invite me to a family dinner. I am so moved by this because I am usually the only non-family member present at such a dinner. This is part of the spontaneity of the Israeli.

People really want to help the person who is alone, here. Once, in my search to get involved with the refugee crisis in Israel, I was told to call Doron Dexer, who is involved with many volunteer organizations and fundraising. He immediately took me from the café where we met to his apartment to meet his new wife, Gafnit, and to have dinner. He has not let me get away, since. Doron works for a high-tech company in Israel doing some geeky thing that I don’t understand. He has three much older brothers and a big sister, all of whom have children, many of them grown and in the army. I have been to all of these relatives’ homes at lease 10 times for family holiday get-togethers. His parents are diseased but the family is close and loving. I have really been made to feel a part of it. They are all fairly well-off for Israeli standards with beautiful homes, some out in the country-side with rolling hills behind then where you hear the jackals at night. I am touched by the genuine warmth of the family and how they accept me.

They all speak perfect English but, at the house, the conversations are always in Hebrew. This has been a new challenge for me in my life. For once, I have to sit quietly and observe the activity around me. You see, I cannot follow 3rd party conversations in Hebrew for long, especially when various people chime in. I try to pick out words but inevitably end up spacing out and watching the body language. My head tires out quickly after doing so many mental sprints of recalling Hebrew verb conjugation at full speed. After a while, I become frustrated, give up, and tell myself to go to a happy place in my head. I am sure these people assume I am an introverted quiet person. If I didn’t have a shirt, I’m sure I would have my naval picked clean as I sit and stare around at the busy people chatting up a storm. I am welcomed into the family, but I have no idea what the people are saying. Thus, it is impossible to dive into a conversation unless I force them to translate. Then, they do so and take off in another direction in the conversation. Yes, I took an intensive 5 ½ month course but, unless you speak directly to me and slowly, I won’t be able to follow you for long. This is a serious test for an extroverted narcissist to sink into the background and just observe. I am still waiting for that “Aha!” moment when I will understand what people are saying. I can usually wade my way through a Hebrew conversation if the other party has patience. But listening to a group of Israelis at full speed is exhausting and, contrary to intuition, does not help me learn.

Doron has also brought me into his circle of friends that he has known since he was a child. His family grew up on a kibbutz on the Jordanian border. I visited the kibbutz with him once where I could see the Jordanian watchtowers peering over the fence that separates the countries. The kids there slept in barracks away from their parents. This practice is no longer occurring as socialism has given way to more capitalistic tendencies and families what to remain more nuclear. The kids grew close and developed friendships with kids from other kibbutzim at school. I have not met a friend or family member of Doron's whom I have not really liked. I have attended many celebrations and bar b cues with these friends and their spouses, all in their early 30’s. It is where I sit back, feast, and try to force myself to sometimes zone back in. There are often groups of 10 men that grew up together and their wives. One can feel the closeness and trust of the bond. Growing up in a kibbutz socialist atmosphere and serving in military units are ways to building lifelong relationships. The country is physically very small so it is easy to maintain contact. Occasionally and usually at the beginning of the night, someone will approach me and ask me a question, usually in English. At first, I try to answer in Hebrew. But, as I have to think of a verb I have never spoken before and conjugate it in the right time frame, it demands a lot of patience. Most people just want to make it easy on me and the conversations inevitably turns to English. While they enjoy practicing their English, it is mentally more demanding and the group inevitably and of course, as they should, returns to only Hebrew. Many still live on kibbutzim today and enjoy very modest homes with spectacular lush green surroundings.

The kibbutzim have been shrinking over the past few years. Capitalism as seen through the internet high-tech revolution has seduced the socialists into working 12 hour days in an office setting and away from the farm. The kibbutz can hire migrant workers from the Philippines and Africa to do the manual labor much like Americans hire the Mexicans. It's too bad the conflict with the Palestinians keeps them from getting these jobs as they can't get into the country. Palestinian Arabs also don't generally do these jobs as they also enjoy a higher standard of living.

Doron is one of my hero’s. He is representative of what I love of the Israeli people. His heart is enormous and he always speaks out of compassion. I only assume he cannot wait to become a father. I see this as he puts the hands of his baby nephews and nieces in his mouth and slurps on their necks as a loving uncle. He fulfills his self-set policy to always stop to help someone on the side of the road or highway or to pick up a hitchhiker. After one of the many European League TV soccer games that he invited me to see with him and his friends, we were returning to Tel Aviv from a kibbutz in the south when he saw a woman under her hood on the side of the highway. We waited with her for 2 ½ hours until the tow truck came at 3:30AM and I was asleep an hour later. I was late to my 8:00 AM Hebrew class.

Doron and his wife, Gafnit, have adopted me. Doron is like the Jewish mother I never had (nudnik). He seems to have the mission of getting me married off and getting me a job, any job. He calls me several times a week to tell me that he has sent off my resume to a new company. Who knows for what job? He has set me up with many blind dates and he nudges me to give them a chance after I explain that there is neither chemistry nor attraction. He calls me before and after the date when he knows the time. He pushes me to see where I am with a job search. You see, with the economic downturn, my company has lain off many, including me. I am now working part-time with them but only on a commission basis. My job is to find overseas real estate investments that they can syndicate out to Israeli investors. However, all are wary to invest in this unstable economy. Thus, I am freelancing with no salary and seeking my next opportunity. With the extra time, I am ramping up my Hebrew studies and getting more involved with the refugees, again. I am also considering taking a tour guide course to be a licensed tour guide in Israel. This is more out of my interest in the land than in the future career.

Thank you my friend, Doron. You push me to live a fulfilled life. You don't allow me to accept passivity and you make a huge difference in the world. We will be friends for life.

Randy